Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
