Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
