Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
