Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
