Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
