Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize