it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
