Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
