I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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