Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize