my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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