We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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