OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
