I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
is it fun? or sober?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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