He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My life is pants optional.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
