Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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