I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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