i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize