Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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