Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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