I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
