I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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