Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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