I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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