The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
