mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
