Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Randomize
