Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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