It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
