I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
