Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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