I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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