that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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