Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
