I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
