Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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