so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
