I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize