He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
