I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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