Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
