God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
