Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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