Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
