If i come over, it means nothing
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's official drugs can't kill me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
