We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
