One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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