he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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