Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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