If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
