Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
