I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
