Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
