That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
