it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
