Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
