Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
