all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
