apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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