I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
