somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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