haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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