I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
