i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
