she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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