When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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