i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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