i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
