why didn't you poke me back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
