After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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