i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They took my balls.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
