We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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