Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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