We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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