I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
