I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
