Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
