How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
