I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
