I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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