we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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