That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
