just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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