his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
