His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
