cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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