am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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