guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
