i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
