WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
